What are the qualities that you would normally view as essential in a potential marriage mate?
Below is a long list of things that we could desire in whoever we choose to spend our lives with:
- Good looks
- Soft tempered
- Morally upright
- Prudent in spending
The truth is, there is nothing WRONG with any of the above traits.
Each of them has its own appeal. Wouldn’t you agree, though, that when you’re in the grip of a youthful crush, you tend to dwell in the more superficial qualities, such as the last four of the above-mentioned qualities.
As you mature, however, you begin to use your power of perception to examine deeper issues, thus trying to cultivate the first (four) qualities as mentioned above.
Let’s take a situation. You might start to realize that the cutest girl in the neighborhood may not be all that trustworthy or that the most popular boy in class may not be morally upright.
If you’re past the bloom of youth, you most likely look beyond the superficial traits to answer the question, “Is this person right for me?”
Is This Person Right For Me?
1. Know Yourself First.
Before considering who might be right for you, why not really know yourself well. To find out more about yourself, try consider answering the following questions:
- What are my weaknesses?
- What are my strengths?
- What emotional and spiritual needs do I have?
2. Not Just Anyone Will Be Ok
Suppose you want to buy a new pair of shoes. You go to the store and find a pair that catches your eye. You try on the shoes, only to find out that they are too tight. How disappointed you will be!
So, what will you do? Buy the shoes anyway? Or look for a different pair? Clearly, the better choice is to put the shoes back and look for others.
It would make little sense to walk around in a pair of shoes that just didn’t fit!
It’s similar with choosing a marriage partner. Over time, more than a few members of the opposite gender may catch your eye. But not just anyone will do.
After all, you want someone you will be comfortable with. I mean someone who truly fits your personality and your goals. Have you found such a person? If so, how can you tell if that one is right for you?
3. Look Beyond the Surface.
Look at your friend objectively. Be careful though! You might be inclined to see only what you want to see.
4. Take Your Time
Try to perceive your friend’s true nature. This will require effort on your part. But that’s only to be expected.
To illustrate: Imagine that you want to purchase a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only the outer appearance? Wouldn’t it make sense to look deeper, perhaps learning as much as you could about the condition of the engine?
5. Look Beyond Superficial Traits
Finding a mate is a much weightier issue than choosing a car. Sadly, many who date don’t look beyond the surface.
Instead they quickly point to the things they have in common: ‘We agree on everything!’ ‘We think alike and enjoy the same activities. You need to discern the secret person of the heart.
6. Focus on What Happens When You Disagree
Rather than focusing on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree.
Simply put, as you both disagree, you will find out how this person handles conflict- by insisting on his or her way, perhaps getting very angry or giving in to abusive speech?
Or does this person show reasonableness, I mean is he or she willing to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake?
7. Focus on His Or Her Personality
Is the person manipulative, possessive, or jealous? Does he demand to know your every move? If that’s so, I think it’s a bad sign.
8. Find Out His or Her Reputation
You may want to talk with those who have known this person for some time, such as matured ones. Then you will discover if he or she is well reported on.
Find out how he or she is faring in the following ways:
- How does he or she handle any authority he may have?
- What are his or her goals?
- How does this person treat his or her family?
- Who are his or her friends?
- His attitude towards money?
- Does this person love God?
- What does this person talk about?
- Is this person industrious?
- Does this person control his or her anger well?
- Is this person considerate of others?
- Is he or she well reported on?
Hopefully, with the above suggestions, you will be able to answer the question: “Is this person right for me?”.
Please kindly comment below if you really appreciate these suggestions.